Witches, Hysteria, and Peen Trees
Happy Women's History Month!
Hey horny readers! It’s Women’s History Month and you’re in for a treat! Today I’m breaking down the overlap between witchcraft and hysteria, and what that has to do with visiting your local plant store. But first, I’m happy to inform you that there are two ADULT SEX ED LIVE SHOWS coming up this Spring!
May 15th in NYC at Caveat | June 7th in LA at Dynasty Typewriter (tickets available soon)
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Adult Sex Ed comedically challenges why we think what we think about sex. In case you’re new, I’m Dani Faith Leonard, a comedy writer, film producer, and performer. In 2018, I started a comedy show called Adult Sex Ed and launched this newsletter last year. Each week, I take a fun deep dive into a topic that I’ve been researching. Want to know more? Read the whole description on substack here.
Ready to get a little smarter? Okay, let’s go!
Happy Women’s History Month! At the end of 2022, I was working on a project in southern New Hampshire, just a few Dunkins away from the Massachusetts border. One afternoon, a co-worker and I slipped away for a bit and made the drive down to Salem. I wasn’t expecting to feel emotional at the witch trials memorial, but there I was, getting a little weepy. My family was no where near the United States at the time and I have no tangible connection to these women, yet it’s hard not to feel connected in some way.
Today we're going to talk about the fascinating overlap of witchcraft and hysteria, the all-encompassing diagnosis of the past. These are two themes that have been intertwined throughout history, leading to some truly bizarre accusations.
Let's start with accusations of witchcraft, which were rampant throughout the world, long before any white person had stepped foot in the Americas. In early modern Europe, accusations of witchcraft led to thousands of innocent people, mostly women, being persecuted and executed. There was in intense obsession with their sexuality, and women were seen as deceptive, evil, and lustful, just as they would be seen in Salem centuries later.
The Malleus Maleficarum, also known as the Hammer of Witches, was a 15th century document written by German clergyman Heinrich Kramer (under his latin name Henricus Institor). Basically, it was a how-to guide for identifying, punishing, and executing witches, and was full of ridiculous and misogynistic ideas about women and witchcraft. Heinrich blamed women for HIS OWN lust and recommended torture to get confessions and death as the only certain way to end the "evils of witchcraft." He wrote that women were more likely to be witches because they have a "temperament towards flux" and "loose tongues." Mouthy. Opinionated. Those women, naturally, would be the witches.
My favorite part of this document is the accusations that witches were making men impotent, causing their penises to disappear. It was claimed that witches would keep said penises in a nest in a tree.
Whaaaaat? Don’t mind me, I’m placing these schlongs in the dick nest nestled in my hardwood.
According to the text, sometimes the women would keep the dismembered members as pets, feeding them oats. It turns out, this wasn’t isolated to this publication and was actually based in folklore that had already been around for centuries! Archaeologists actually uncovered a 13th century PHALLUS TREE MURAL in Tuscany, which depicts a tree covered in dicks being tended to by witches.
Let’s move on to hysteria. Throughout history, women were given oversimplified diagnoses, or completely baseless ones by a medical field that was dominated by men. The origin was “wandering womb,” which Hippocrates, the father of medicine, explained at length. The movement of the uterus was believed to cause symptoms depending on where it went, putting pressure on the organs and even causing suffocation. The diagnosis of wandering womb eventually evolved into hysteria, which translates to “womb disease.” The list of symptoms were long and vague, but could include anxiety, irritability, nervousness, having sexual thoughts, and vaginal lubrication. Women were diagnosed with hysteria for over four thousand years, until the mid 1900s.
Many activities could bring on a bout of hysteria, like reading novels (which caused erotic fantasies) or learning in general, which would move too much energy to the brain instead of the uterus. Other causes were masturbation, acts of seduction, homosexual tendencies, and generally being out of line. A cure for hysteria was a doctor or midwife manually massaging the genitals, providing orgasms (and leading to the invention of the vibrator). In more extreme cases, women were put in insane asylums or lobotomized.
There overlap between witch-hunts and hysteria was WHO was accused. Scores of women activists, suffragettes, artists, and writers were diagnosed as hysterics. Their rebelliousness, education, and ambition were considered to be likely causes. Mouthy women. Women who were afflicted with the kind of ambition that caused them to step out of line. The kind of women who dare to do something crazy, like run for president, direct a movie, or own a company. Their sexuality dissected, consistently blamed for someone else’s impotence.
I could muse about whether or not we’ve come a long way, but I’ve got a dick tree that needs pruning.
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Amazing research. Never knew about the trees.