The myth of the wandering womb
And other fun misdiagnoses
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This is a weekly newsletter from me, Dani Faith Leonard , a comedy writer, film producer, and performer, based on the live comedy show ADULT SEX ED that I’ve hosted since 2018. If you want to know more about this newsletter, here’s a description on substack.
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A few months ago, an ultrasound technician casually asked me, “Did anyone ever tell you that your uterus is shaped like a heart?” I stared at her blankly and said, “that’s adorable.” She replied, “Hee-hee, it’s not a good thing. I just thought that you should know.”
It turns out, there’s a real medical term for that: a bicornuate uterus, and my particular condition is mild and I might not have to worry about it at all. But still, I had this nagging feeling that this was something I should have known about sooner! I had been to so many doctors in my lifetime and not one bothered to check out or tell me about the strange, but loveable shape of my womb? However, it’s better than being told that you have a wandering womb.
Throughout history, women were given oversimplified diagnoses, or completely baseless ones by a medical field that was dominated by men. There were womb-related conditions that we’ve long since debunked, but that stuck around as real medical diagnoses for centuries. A few of these mysterious diseases of the past affected men, too. Here are a few of the strange diagnoses you might have received if you lived in a different time:
Wandering Womb
Hippocrates, the father of medicine, explained at length a condition where a woman’s uterus would wander around her body. The movement of the uterus was believed to cause symptoms depending on where it went, putting pressure on the organs and even causing suffocation.
So what was the prescription for a womb that won’t stand still? Put a baby in it, naturally! Frequent pregnancy was the recommendation, so that the womb wouldn’t get bored. According to Ancient Greek physician Aretaeus of Cappadocia, the womb “delights also in fragrant smells,” so doctors used sweet smelling potions applied to the vagina to get the uterus out of the ribs and into the lower cavity.
Hysteria
The diagnosis of wandering womb eventually evolved into Hysteria, which translates to “womb disease.” The list of symptoms were long and vague, but could include anxiety, irritability, nervousness, having sexual thoughts, and vaginal lubrication. I’m not hysterical, you’re hysterical!
In Western medicine, female hysteria was considered both common and chronic. In the 16th and 17th centuries, hysteria was still believed to be due to wandering womb and the retention of vaginal fluids. There was a belief that women ejaculated their “seed” when they had sex too, so marriage was the cure! Another cure for hysteria was a doctor or midwife manually massaging the genitals, providing orgasms (and the invention of the vibrator). In more extreme cases, women were put in insane asylums or lobotomized.
Falling Out of Place
Hysteria faded away as a diagnosis, but the myth that a uterus might just run away prevailed until the 20th century. There were tinctures and potions for women to take to prevent uterine prolapse and even cure it (it won’t). Pelvic organ prolapse is a real condition, but most were unaware of the causes. Until the 1940s, exercise was not a big part of western culture, and going to the gym was seen as frivolous. This was especially true for women, who were culturally forbidden. There was also a general idea that your uterus might fall out if you do something hard, like exercising or dancing.
Bicycle Face
Another plague for female exercisers was a diagnosable medical condition called Bicycle Face. According to The Literary Digest in 1895, the condition was described as: "usually flushed, but sometimes pale, often with lips more or less drawn, and the beginning of dark shadows under the eyes, and always with an expression of weariness." Another book referred to the condition as "characterized by a hard, clenched jaw and bulging eyes." It’s no coincidence that this is the EXACT face I make when men say something stupid. It was also pointed out that women could use the bicycle saddle to masturbate. Wheeeeee! They could also suffer from prolapse, but that’s not as important as a bugly face.
It’s unexplained why this condition would only impact women. It could be that bicycles were seen as a symbol of feminism because they didn’t need to use men to get around. Women who had other jobs were just as susceptible to acquiring landmine faces. Circus face was the condition that female performers might get if they accepted jobs at the circus. Just like the modern resting bitch face, I’m sure the advice was to “just smile more.”
Americanitis
During the late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries, if you were a man who was experiencing fatigue, depression, irritability or impotence, you might have Americanitis. The medical term was Neurasthenia and it impacted both men and women. The condition was blamed on an exhaustion of the nervous system’s energy reserves, as a result of urbanization and a modern lifestyle. Women were subjected to forced bed rest and men were prescribed a vacation. President Theodore Roosevelt, like other “nervous” men of the time, was sent out West to engage in prolonged periods of hunting, roping cattle, rough-riding and male bonding. Having a nervous breakdown? The cure is homo-erotic travel.
Freud spoke of the condition and added a variety of physical symptoms into his list , including fatigue, flatulence, and indications of intra-cranial pressure and spinal irritation. He blamed the condition on incomplete coitus, believing that in coitus interruptus as well as in cases of masturbation, there was "an insufficient libidinal discharge" that had a poisoning effect. Basically, blue balls can kill you.
Drug company Rexall advertised it’s Americanitis Elixir to all members of the family, from “over-wrought business men” to “rundown women.”
Patented in 1903, the elixir contained 15 percent alcohol and a little chloroform. Americans were said to be particularly prone to neurasthenia, which is how it came to be nicknamed Americanitis. Farting, impotent, tired, and overwhelmed. Sounds about right.
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