Political Dick Jokes
They have a long, long history
Hey horny readers! This week’s newsletter is a recap of some of the weird political developments here in the United States and how they’re not exactly “unprecedented.”
As always, thank you so much for reading the Adult Sex Ed newsletter. If you’re enjoying it, please share with friends, so they can be hilariously informed.
Adult Sex Ed comedically challenges why we think what we think about sex. In case you’re new, I’m Dani Faith Leonard, a comedy writer, film producer, and performer. In 2018, I started a comedy show called Adult Sex Ed and launched this newsletter last year. Each week, I take a fun deep dive into a topic that I’ve been researching. Want to know more? Read the whole description on substack here.
Ready to plug the holes in your education? Okay, let’s go!
It’s good to be back! I meant to take a brief break to recenter myself and enjoy the Summer, but I ended up with the most recent strain of Covid. While it’s taken me these two weeks to feel even a little like myself again, it did lead to a lot of time in front of the television. I caught just about every event at the Olympics and then moved on to the Democratic National Convention, which started this week. I love a cultural moment.
Sex and politics are intertwined, whether we like it or not. It always has been, and it was at the center of the most poignant moments of night one of the convention. Three sets of speakers humanized the horrible effects of extreme abortion bans. Kaitlyn Joshua detailed being turned away from emergency rooms in Louisiana while having a miscarriage. Amanda and Josh Zurawski described how she almost died while going into early labor in Texas. Hadley Duvall, a survivor who was raped by her stepfather when she was a child spoke about the pain she would have felt if she had been forced to have his child at twelve years old. You can read a full recap here. It’s heavy stuff, but conversations that we just can’t afford not to have. Reproductive healthcare, including access to IVF which is also being contested, affects everyone, not just women.
Night two brought the joyful notes, including a rousing roll call with a live performance from Lil’ Jon, who sang “VP Harris … Governor Walz” to the tune of “To the window, to the wall.” For readers from outside the states who don’t pay close attention to our politics, the whole night was a big flex because the RNC can’t get the rights to music except Kid Rock and Lee Greenwood. Then, there were the speeches, which concluded with the Obamas, and one moment during the former president’s speech is getting a lot of attention. While talking about Donald Trump’s “weird obsession with crowd sizes,” he made a hand gesture to let us all know the other size-related concerns that Trump has.
Yes, it’s a dick joke. According to the hosts of the Pod Save America podcast who had insider information about the speech, it may have been added in the moment. Still, it was expertly delivered.
On the other end of the political spectrum, fans of Vice Presidential Candidate J.D. Vance are showing up to rallies carrying around fake cups of his jizz, in a effort to make fun of people who have used IVF or who are struggling to conceive. What a great way to challenge those accusations that Republicans are weird! It’s cruel, of course, and comes on the heels of Vance’s criticism of people who don’t have children, and the strange rumor that Vance can’t be trusted at Bob’s Discount Furniture. Earlier today, Trump claimed that you can’t “cross the street to get a loaf of bread, you get shot, and you get mugged, you get raped."
For the record, Trump has spoken about his own size many times before. In a 2016 Republican debate, Trump showed his hands to the crowd and said, “Look at those hands, are they small hands?” Referring to Senator Marco Rubio, he continued. “And, he referred to my hands – ‘if they’re small, something else must be small.’ I guarantee you there’s no problem. I guarantee.” Sure.
While there were some political pundits clutching their pearls today about last night’s schlong reference, there’s nothing about it that’s unprecedented. If you think insults are bad today, you should know that the election of 1800 between founding fathers Thomas Jefferson and John Adams was perhaps the dirtiest in history.
During the vicious presidential campaign of 1800, it was still inappropriate to campaign on your own behalf, so Jefferson and Adams had their friends do their dirty work. Jefferson’s friend James Callendar, an influential journalist at the time, accused John Adams of having a “hideous hermaphroditical character, which has neither the force and firmness of a man, nor the gentleness and sensibility of a woman.” Basically, a deformed penis. Where the fuck was that song in Hamilton?
Adam’s supporters responded by attacking Jefferson’s character and morality (let’s face it, that’s easy to do). A Connecticut newspaper warned that electing Jefferson would create a nation where “murder, robbery, rape, adultery and incest will openly be taught and practiced.” All of this kind of sounds familiar, right? Adams’ side also hilariously spread a rumor that Jefferson died right before the election. News took a while to spread, so they hoped that people would cast their vote before they found out that he was actually alive (it didn’t work).
For some people, last night’s dick joke may be a total turn-off. While those people definitely aren’t friends of mine, I’ve had friends say that politics is too stressful and “both sides are bad,” so let’s “burn it all down.” Anyone who can afford to say that comes from a place of extreme privilege and for the rest of us, this election can greatly affect our lives. So, what if instead of being stressed or clutching our pearls, we just decide that this is us? We’re a down and dirty country. We love dick jokes, and we stay in the fight. It’s an American tradition.
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Obama was priceless in that moment.
I saw the cups of jiz wandering around and thought, what the fuck ? That's all they've got ?
Creepy and weird..........