Red, White & Blue Balls
A short meditation on a century-old condition
Hey horny readers! This week’s newsletter is a quickie.
As always, thank you so much for reading. If you’re enjoying it, please share with friends, so they can be hilariously informed.
Adult Sex Ed comedically challenges why we think what we think about sex. In case you’re new, I’m Dani Faith Leonard, a comedy writer, film producer, and performer. In 2018, I started a comedy show called Adult Sex Ed and launched this newsletter last year. Each week, I take a fun deep dive into a topic that I’ve been researching. Want to know more? Read the whole description on substack here.
Ready to plug the holes in your education? Okay, let’s go!
Last night, I did a set at New York Comedy Club and spoke about my recent battle with insomnia. Specifically, that my ADHD-inspired brain plus the insomnia is a perfect cocktail that inspires so much late night research. I might go to bed on evening and wake up the next morning as an expert in the masturbation methods of the Ancient Egyptians. Of course, then I impart that knowledge to all of you, so isn’t all for naught!
One of my favorite things to read during my late night rabbit holes are medical studies. I want to know what I’m getting, what’s going to kill me, and what big pharma is trying to sell me now. The first in-depth study on blue balls was conducted just last year.
The 4th of July is a phallic-inspired holiday. Competitors from all over the world deep throat Nathan’s hot dogs at an incredibly rapid rate. Truck nuts dangle from the backs of pickups that carry families to the beach. It’s aggressive, it’s pushy, uniquely “American.” So is the term blue balls.
Most of the time, when I research English slang terms, they originated in the U.K. Not blue balls, which made its entrance into the English Language in 1916. Blue balls are All-American baby! I didn’t get an exact location, but if I had to guess I’d go with Boston. International readers, please don’t be upset. Using the term“balls” for testicles originated in the early 1500s in Scotland, so thank you for your service. To be clear, the concept has likely been around since the beginning of time.
Epididymal hypertension (EH) is the scientific term for blue balls. The condition describes a temporary fluid congestion in the testicles (or vulva), caused by prolonged sexual arousal without orgasm. It’s different from the concept of edging, but the point is that the genitals are engorged without relief.
In the study printed last May by psychology professor Caroline Pukall and her colleagues, it was confirmed that blue balls is a real phenomenon. 2621 individuals were surveyed and significantly more individuals with a penis than a vagina reported believing that blue balls are real, and caused moderate to severe pain. But the study also found that more people with a penis use the condition to coerce or manipulate partners into engaging sexually to relieve the pain (instead of doing it themselves). I don’t remember the first time a man told me that I gave him blue balls, but anecdotally, this tracks.
For the record, the condition is nicknamed blue vulva when it happens to the opposite sex. Yes, it happens to us too, except you don’t hear us complaining about it. The numbers don’t lie!
This 4th of July, many of us in the U.S. are walking around with blue balls and vulvas, aching from last week’s Presidential “debate” and Supreme Court rulings that threaten our future. May you feel relief when you watch those rockets splooge over the night skies and perhaps resolve that it’s still worth fighting for. Happy 4th!
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