Florida Man bans sex ed
He loves white boots and he cannot lie
Hey horny readers! This newsletter is an update about the new sex ed regulations in Florida and why it matters. But first—a big hurricane is headed their way at a time when people are still recovering from the last storm. If you missed last week’s newsletter, I linked to this organization that helps distribute period and hygiene products in North Carolina.
As always, thank you so much for reading the Adult Sex Ed newsletter. If you’re enjoying it, please share with friends, so they can be hilariously informed.
Adult Sex Ed comedically challenges why we think what we think about sex. In case you’re new, I’m Dani Faith Leonard, a comedy writer, film producer, and performer. In 2018, I started a comedy show called Adult Sex Ed and launched this newsletter last year. Each week, I take a fun deep dive into a topic that I’ve been researching. Want to know more? Read the whole description on substack here.
Ready to plug the holes in your education? Okay, let’s go!
There is a horrible storm about to barrel into the Florida Coast, at which point it will cross the state, causing extensive, unthinkable damage along the way. I have family and friends in the state. My personal connections are extensive, as I spent almost every family vacation there and then attended the University of Miami. Tomorrow, the West Coast and center of Florida won’t look the same. Next week, it may seem tacky to criticize the oft-criticized state. What I’m saying is, there’s no time like the present.
Officials from the Florida Department of Education have been directing some of the state’s largest school districts to scale back their sex education. The Department is led by an appointee of Republican Gov. Ron DeSantis, who is a lover of:
#1. Banning things.
#2. Shiny white boots.
#3. Disney. Before he started a massive fight with the company, he actually got married there.
Ron DeSantis often boasts that Florida “is where ‘woke’ goes to die.” So what do the new sex ed regulations include? Schools must emphasize abstinence and teach that “reproductive roles” are “binary, stable, and unchangeable.” The law was passed last year, but the state is only now instructing school districts around the state that they may not teach teenagers about contraception, show them pictures depicting human reproductive anatomy, or discuss topics such as sexual consent and domestic violence. Advocates fear that a lack of comprehensive sex ed puts kids in danger, and studies back up that belief. The whole Bible Belt has the highest teen pregnancy rates in the country and Florida has one of the highest rates of HIV.
I know this is Adult Sex Ed, so why should we care at all about what’s happening in middle and high schools in the most meme-able state? A place where a woman was recently arrested for possessing drugs that she kept in a bag labeled, “Bag of Drugs?” Banning comprehensive sex ed is part of an overall campaign to control people, their bodies, their choices about their bodies, and their knowledge about their own health. It’s not a uniquely American movement either.
The recent Florida bans are reminiscent of the beginnings of sex ed in America. America was founded by puritans and much like repressed puritans who have been running our country today, the early Pilgrims weren’t very educated when it came to sex. The first iteration of sex ed came in the 1830s, when religious leaders, like Reverend Sylvester Graham, traveled the East Coast on anti-masturbation tours. Does that sound fun? I wrote more about the history and current curriculums here: What American Kids Actually Learn.
In the 1940s, America’s first widely-watched sex ed film hit classrooms, titled Human Growth. Life magazine did a glowing five-page feature story on the film in 1948. At its peak of popularity in the 1950s, there were over 1,000 prints in circulation. Under Florida’s recent regulations, students likely wouldn’t be allowed to watch it. Yeah. A film that was shown in classrooms before my parents were born is too risqué for Florida students in 2024. Human Growth, while not explicit, doesn’t center abstinence (or mention it at all). The sex ed films of the 60s and 70s would be considered pornographic. I thought it was fucked up that we watched Philadelphia in sex ed, and watching that film as a scare tactic is, in fact, fucked up. But in Florida, they can’t even do that.
So, what are they going to teach if they have to avoid anatomy and Florida lawmakers banned the discussion of “fluids?” My friend Kylie Holloway wrote this fun piece for McSweeny’s—SEX ED IN FLORIDA IS NOW JUST A VIDEO OF RON DeSANTIS PLAYING THE “LIME IN THE COCONUT” SONG ON THE BONGOS. The reality is that some schools have just decided not to teach sex ed at all.
Comprehensive sex ed isn’t the only thing that’s been banned in Florida, of course. The DeSantis administration has also banned AP African American History and classroom instruction about sexual orientation or gender identity a.k.a. the “Don’t Say Gay” Bill. Schools in Florida have banned works by renowned authors Maya Angelou and Ernest Hemingway, in addition to The Diary of Anne Frank.
There are a lot of things that should be banned in Florida instead, like truck nuts and every Winn-Dixie supermarket. The sex ed curriculum changes are done under the guise of making teens more safe, as if learning about their bodies will make them want to have more sex. It’s the myth that knowledge = temptation, which is a myth as old as time. If the presence of temptations in Florida will prevent crime here are some other suggestions:
- DeSantis can ban couches, since criminals may be tempted to hide in them (Wanted Citrus County woman found hiding inside couch)
- He can ban swimming pools, since criminals may be tempted to keep alligators in them (Florida man arrested for keeping alligators in his backyard swimming pool)
- He can ban coastal mansions, since convicted felons love to live in them (Official website of THE MAR‑A‑LAGO CLUB)
Forget these bans, let’s talk about some things that Florida should have more of, like entertaining public board meetings. Last year, a Florida woman called for “Sugar Daddy and Mommy Appreciation Day” at a zoning board meeting. The woman, who identified herself as Ashley Cream and was accompanied by an old guy in a wheelchair, told the board members they were “looking absolutely fabulous, a little bit serious,” before saying she was just a concerned citizen. Aren’t we all?
If you’re in Florida right now, stay safe! I’m keeping you in my thoughts and wishing you the best.
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