When Pharaoh came in the Nile
+ a recent scientific study
Hi horny readers! Thank you so, so much for reading the ADULT SEX ED newsletter.
New here? Adult Sex Ed comedically challenges why we think what we think about sex. I’m Dani Faith Leonard, a filmmaker, comedy writer, and performer. In 2018, I started a comedy show called Adult Sex Ed and launched this newsletter in 2023. Each week, I take a fun deep dive into a topic that I’ve been researching. Ready to plug the holes in your education? Okay, let’s go!
I’m getting this newsletter out a day late. No technical glitch, it’s just Summer and I’m enjoying myself too much (this post is also about people enjoying themselves, so you can skip this intro if you just want to get to it!). I’m in LA this week, but before I left NY, I went on my favorite kind of date—wandering Central Park, talking, not exactly sure where we’ll end up. At the Met, we eventually made my way to one of my favorite rooms, the Ancient Egyptian art. If you’ve never been there, you can find it in "When Harry Met Sally," in a scene featuring Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan fucking around at the Temple of Dendur.
This reminded me of Egypt’s creation story, my favorite among the different cultures and religions. Read on below to find out more about the God who nutted the world into existence, and how it ties in with a recent scientific study.
Historically, there’s been a ton of shame associated with masturbation. Imagine if it didn’t have to be that way? It wasn’t that way in Ancient Egypt. Before everything, there was Atum, their God of creation. According to the myth, Atum ejaculated the world into existence. He even nutted out other gods, Shu (representing air) and Tefnut (representing moisture). Tefnut is the perfect name, no? What an amazing creation superpower—one that deserves at least a few Marvel movies. Deadsplooge?
At the center of Ancient Egypt was the Nile River and ancient Egyptians did everything to prevent their life source from drying up. This included an annual festival where the men of Egypt would gather around the Nile. The Pharaoh would join them and they would wait for their cue. Pharaoh would strip down and start masturbating, just like their original deity did, and the rest of the men would join in a gigantic circle jerk. The semen flowed with the Nile and their minds, kept the lifecycle going.
Imagine if that was our creation story? The other Ancient societies moved away from this myth. Things take a turn though and in the Bible, God kills a man named Onan for “spilling his seed.” Wasting seed became a theme among different cultures. Men in Ancient China were encouraged to bend over and ejaculate into their own assholes in order to not waste the sperm. (Please take a mental snapshot of that image and never forget it.)
If we valued masturbation as they did, perhaps we would put money behind studying it. Last year, I wrote a post called Why you can’t stop seeing the crooked carrot commercial, which was about disparities in funding for research studies. As of 2020, only 10.8% of NIH funding was allocated towards women’s health, according to McKinsey. 11 start-ups addressing erectile dysfunction, among other men’s health concerns, secured $1.24 billion in 2019–23, while eight start-ups addressing endometriosis received $44 million. All of this is about to get worse with Trump’s bill that slashes public health funding by billions of dollars, affecting everything from cancer research to basic disease prevention.
This doesn’t stop people who can raise their own funds for research. This week on the popular podcast Sex Ed with DB, DB and Dr. Candice Nicole Hargons broke down the results of a recent study where 1,000 people were selected to masturbate. If you’re interested in fining out the results, I encourage you to listen here.
The anti-masturbation movement is strong, especially in the U.S., from No-Nut-November to podcast hosts promoting abstinence. If the Ancient Egyptians have any bearing on your life goals, please never stop. You just might ejaculate the sun, the moon, and the stars.
Make sure you’re subscribed so you never miss a post!
If you enjoyed this newsletter, please share with friends, so they can be hilariously informed.
Don’t miss these recent newsletters:
Ok, that image of a Chinese man is just too awkward.... but thanks for the info anyway. 🙃