The History of the Condom

Long, sometimes thick.

Aug 09, 2023

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Rubber. Sheath. Jimmy hat. Love glove. Shrink wrap. French letter. Bulletproof vest. Cumbrella. Since the beginning of time, men have wrapped their dicks in strange stuff, so let’s talk about it! The history of the condom is a long one. Condoms may date all the way back to 11,000 B.C., when someone made a cave drawing of a penis covered in animal skin, found in modern-day France. As I discussed in my first newsletter, The History of Birth Control the onus to protect from pregnancy has usually been on the women. Still, men stepped up to the plate by wrapping things up too.

Ancient Cultures

King Minos of Crete (the father of the minotaur) was rumored to have semen spiked with serpents and scorpions. His (likely diseased) splooge caused the death of several mistresses. So for sex with his wife, he used a goat’s bladder for protection. It’s been debated by historians whether King Minos actually existed and who wore the condom (him or his wife), but it’s probable that Ancient Greeks were using animal bladders.

Ancient Romans wore condoms made of linen or animal intestines. Ancient Egyptians also wore linen condoms to protect from tropical diseases, no doubt because they wanted their dicks to look like mummies too! The condoms were color-coded based on the caste that people belonged to.

In Japan, tortoise shell condoms called Kabuto-gata(甲形) were worn by the upper class. In China, glans condoms (just the tip) were made of oiled silk paper, which sounds waaaayyyyy more comfortable.

The First Condom Renaissance

Syphilis came to Europe right around the Renaissance. Italian anatomist Gabriele Fallopio, who discovered the tubes that bear his name, and also named the vagina, placenta and clitoris, made a major discovery. He did a case study with over a thousand men using a linen sheath tied with a pink ribbon (Barbiecore!) and found that the sheaths protected against syphilis.

The onus of birth control was still usually placed on women and the purpose of condoms was to protect against disease. That was until the 1600s and the reign of King Charles II, who was a huge manwhore and fathered a ton of illegitimate children! His doctor, rumored to be named Colonel Quondam, made a sheath out of a lamb’s intestines so he’s stop knocking up his mistresses. Historians debate whether that’s how condoms got their name, but most agree that there’s something about those kings named Charles!

Since condoms were made of animal parts through the 1800s, it wasn’t uncommon to buy them at the butcher, along with meats for supper. Eventually, demand led to condoms being available at the pub or a shop.

Charles Goodyear & a New Era

Animal skin condoms paved the way for rubbers, once Charles Goodyear (the blimp guy) invented the vulcanization of rubber in 1844. George Bernard Shaw called the rubber condom “the greatest invention of the 19th century.” He either really loved to f*ck or he had never heard of the telephone, steam locomotive, typewriter, electricity or the lightbulb.

Latex condoms have been available since the 1920s. In the United States, condoms were heavily promoted by the military for World War II, after over 300,000 servicemen came home from World War I with STIs. A popular slogan was “Don't forget — put it on before you put it in.” In the late 1950s, the American National Association of Broadcasters banned condom advertisements from national television, which lasted until 1979.

To wrap things up, my biggest historical takeaway is that condoms were almost always for the rich. Until the 1900s, they were unaffordable for the average person and for a typical prostitute, a single condom might cost several months' pay. So, please wear a condom—it’s safe and you’ll look Renaissance-rich.

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